Changes in Relationships

Sometimes, I feel like I have been going about living my life as more of a spectator than an actual participant as of late. It took a big occurence to make me realize this. I never expected after almost half a year to hear anything about Andrea..but due to unforeseen circumstances, Christopher has come to work with her on his new movie. I can honestly say that I felt nothing at first, most likely from the utter shock. But now, the resolve within myself has solidified. I am asking her for a divorce. I love her so much still, but it does not change the fact that in the end, I choose Chris over her and she chose her safety and freedom over her family. We both did and said things that neither of us are proud of, but in the end we had a good run of it. At least, I would like to think so.

As for Chris.. I am still super worried about him. I think the pain he feels from Wufei haunts him still. I am trying my best to be there for him.. but if he doesn't open up and let me disinfect his emotional wounds, then there is not much I can do except be by his side. I feel like things have changed a little between us, not a lot but.. enough to wonder. I asked him to kiss me..I could hardly believe I asked, but..if I end up getting attacked by a guy..I would want to recall the softness and safety of his lips.

We have always been physical with one another from way back..but... Gods..I am not sure. When he bites me.. it feels so damned amazing.. like my body is melting. I want him to touch me.. to not stop.. but it is embarassing since I make noises that I can't control. I have no intention of leading him on, but..I wonder if being how we are is natural? So what if I want him to bite me? It isn't sex, and it feels safe and comforting.. like we are super close. I have never loved anyone as deeply as I love him. Maybe it is deeper than any physical need, it is like my heart, mind and soul need him.. I want to protect him, I want to be held by him, I want us to be close forever.