Under the Surface

I really don't understand what the hell happened to my life recently. I went from struggling to win back love from Davar to being in the middle of a steadily growing group of men. It scares me because my body reacts, hell I react so immediately and deeply to these men.. and I really haven't been one to associate sexually with a lot of guys. It is more than that though.. I feel this.. connection growing between me and Lee, he makes me feel safe and wanted, and is someone who I trust.

I don't know if I am being carried away by this.. or if I am doing it more for Davar than myself.. but I know that it will continue to spiral until I set limitations for myself. When I talked to Chris and he bit me.. I just.. it was indescribable. Is it because he and Davar share parts of one another now? I don't know.. I want to talk to Gwyn more about it.. but something seems very off with her lately. She is reserved and quiet, seeming to regard her surrounding from outside of herself.

I may have to come to accept the fact that I jsut cannot be everything Davar needs from a lover. But by connecting to others and forming a circle around him.. a court of his as it were, he may find balance and solace in the people who are his lovers. I still feel selfish.. like I want him to myself.. and there are days I want him to cut me still.. but with these added players.. who knows how much more complicated things will get?

dun dun DUN! lol poor sydney. see maybe she will bring up them getting married after chrsi joins in. It seems like it would reassure her. We can always overwhelm her and have chris and dominic join at the same time...

God.. District or not, some people can only take so much from their sex. lol. But yeah, she is coming to terms with the idea that she has to be more flexible, but she is so stubborn in regards to Davar, and is a little overwhelmed by the intimacy with other men she doesn't know as well. It will be intriguing to see how this entire situation progresses.