Another year

I don't know exactly why I am writing this.. but for some reason.. someone like me without any memories.. with barely any sense of who they are should really write things down. At least.. that is what I think. I am afraid of suddenly waking up and not knowing who I am.. or where I am.. or what I am doing.. why I am even alive. Maybe this book will help me remember things.. or be a place to come back to if I ever forget again.

To be honest.. I.. I tell people that I remember things from when I was thirteen. But really.. I only have a sense of remembering things from barely six months ago. Everything before that is just.. blank. Or a big haze. I sometimes almost feel like I can reach out and touch something tangible.. but when I try it vanishes. What is bizarre is I recall information.. basic daily information like my age, my duties as an RA.. the fact that I have been in college and what my major entails. But.. my family, any past lovers, memories of childhood, nothing.

It scares me sometimes. It makes me wonder if I am truly whole or if I am doomed to forever live with this blank spot in my life. I have plenty on my plate to fill up the blank pages of my future.. being an RA is not easy.. so many punk ass kids this year but nice ones too.

Roslyn and her roomie Bella moved in yesterday and are interesting in very different ways. Bella is pushy.. and sometimes annoying.. but she has this strange depth to her that peeks out every once in a while.. makes me want to figure her out. Roslyn is charming and just naturally funny, and super helpful and nice. I feel like we can chat forever over history or a good old book one of these days soon.

I will try to make new connections this year, and continue to grow as a person. I know I must have been loved somewhere at some point in my life.. I am 21 years old.. there is not way that I have lived alone until this point in my life. I will get to the bottom of it.. because I cannot take another night waking up crying.. wondering why my forehead feels warm as if someone has touched it.. I wish I knew if it was real or a dream.

Awwww poor Dominic. I think Daemon will definitely enter the picture. The part to decide is if he lets DOminic some to him or gos to Dominic. I mean honestly the second dominic sees him, he will have to know the two of them are related... Oh I've been wondering if he is drawn towards bella at all due to her similarities to Gwynn?

He is not drawn to her per say.. he doesn't feel drawn to anybody really. He just feels very light and empty. It isn't making him feel horrid by any means.. jsut frustrated mostly.. He knows he is missing big chunks and he wants them back somehow. Yeah.. one look at Daemon and he will be like.. uh yeah.. this dude is related to me. heh

haha I really want him to meet Daemon but I want to give him a chance to settle a little more and be closer to Rosalyn so that he leans on her with it. Rye might also make an appearance.... Actaully maybe he will have a benefit concert at the school and DOminic can win a backstage experience