New flavors

Ceridan

I can't fully wrap my mind around the fact that Jakob and I spent two days in bed together... I have such opposing views of him, on one hand he is my best friend and on the other... I don't even know how to describe it. Jakob gives me what I need and crave even when I don't know what I want for myself. He'll just get that slightly sterner tone, that's quieter and makes my pulse race.

God keeping my eyes on his face the whole time he played with himself was torture. Pure fucking torture. But somehow I loved every minute of it. Things don't get quite as intense with Jakob, I become a little less lost in the smells and sensations.

The problem is all of this is just a temporary fix. Jakob needs to be with Gwynn. She's been his world almost from the moment he and I became friends. I can't run to him all the time, I want to stand on my own and have the strength to beat down the desperation inside of me. I was surprised to suddenly be having dinner at Stefan's. From all the stories Jakob has told me I wasn't prepared for how unthreatening Lucian seemed and the thick tension between Jakob and his father, all over me.

Hearing Stefan wanting to play with me made the hair on the back of my neck raise. Stefan is dangerous in many ways and I know I'm ill equipped to wade in those waters. Still, a part of me wanted to. A part of me wants to be pushed and forced past all the issues swimming in my head. But I know it's a stupid inclination. I know that, but part of me is curious...

I'm pretty positive having Stefan toast me into the family means this isn't over, but I don't want to be a source of such deep strife between Stefan and Jakob. He started to get a little cold over it, I hadn't fully realized until that moment how much Jakob cares. Which feels stupid when I think about it... I know how he is, and the fact that he hasn't used any of the opportunities he has had against me says a lot.

Still even with all of this and Lucien's assistance, I can't believe I went into a rut with Jakob of all people. The snatches I remember mostly have him pinned or tied up on the bed,writhing beneath me. I remember my cock covered in his blood and the taste of licking the essence of myself off of him. And more than any of that, I remember the intensity of his desire, of striving to give him what he wanted so he would give me more and more of his pleasure.and now that I've had a taste of it part of me wants more. And it's not just the sniveling little bitch inside of me, it's the man too...