Altered State

I feel overwhelmed as of late. My mind has been going through rushes of memories, of pure and raw feelings that are so powerful I do not know what to do with them. And.. I have ended up hurting the people I care about the most again. Roslyn was so sad.. so lost when I told her of my transgressions.. I could not hold her.. she did not want me to. Most jeweled women would be held, or at least I could feel them even if they were not in my arms.. but she was not jeweled during this time.. and I could not feel her pain.. but knew it was there. It is the most stifling feeling of helplessness to watch someone suffer without sharing their pain.

I slept with Lilly after I met her.. and this choice opened a whole new set of doors in my life. Ceriden came upon us and freaked out.. I have no memory of him ever beign cold.. but he wanted only one thing.. to kill me. Soren helped his brother by using powerful magics.. and I .. I felt so helpless against the attacks. I have always been .. to be fair always hurt myself.. but I have never really been physically hurt by others. It was a first time for me.

When Soren told me he would take my memories away... I was scared. I did not want to return to that numbing place only to be brought back again.

I need to reevalutate my life, and the choices I am making... I had Roslyn, asked her to be jeweled. She feels so different all of a sudden.. and though the shift smooths out the ridges of my male needs and magical desires, I feel a dragging sense of falling into old habits. I have to be sure and careful in my steps with her.. She has sacrificed so much for me.. and I need to be able to return that favor in full bu protecting her and loving her to the best of my abilities.

ah dominic, atleast he realizes he is being a little selfish. ya I hadn't quite realized how sheltered dominic was until now

I havent either.. in reality both Gwyn and Dominic have been qute sheltered and protected. This is good for him to have to work and fight hard for what he wants and to keep living.

ya, ironically I think Gwynn has dealt with it more. It is good for Dominic to have other struggles, I think some of his problem is that he's been able to wallow in the Gwynn issue and it'll be good for him to focus on other things. And also that having a mortal enemy might be good...

I think so too. In a way Ceriden shows him the full consequences of his selfishness and how his choices affect others. Soren too.

Its so sad that thats what it had to come to for Dominic to start to realize it. Did seeing Daemon's reaction and realizing its been this big dark secret help that realization as well?

I think so. He was not raised in the realms, but knows the seriousness of rape.. I think a lot has happened to really push him into thinking more about what choices he makes. He actually is regretting having Roslyn jeweled.. as he already feels she may regret it herself.

I don't think she will, I just think she needs a chance to adjust. How will Salem react to her being jeweled?? I feel like she is super aware of the changes and picks up moods and scents way more than most

Yeah.. I am not sure... he is not jeweled so he wont be as affected by her as jeweld men, but her energy will shift.. eh detects scents differently.. he might be drawn to her more..