The Return

I have had you for so long diary.. there are so many entries in you from my past days.. my days locked away.. my days watching my mother be assaulted by the man I loved. .. the man I still love to this day though I hate to hear the words escape my mouth. I have returned again from the Dragon Kings... the King.. he makes me.. forget things. All I remember are hazy days.. endless days of sex.. sweat and my body melting under his touch. Looking back on it makes me yearn for it.. even though I know deep down it is not what I want. He has put a spell on me.. one I cannot escape. If not for Cyan.. I would still be a blithering idiot.

I barely saw my daughter.. and in this month she has changed.. thoguh she has been spared form the most brutal of things.. she is not unawares. She has taken a step forward into womanhood without my knowledge. She is starting to care for Run.. her King.. the man who imprisons her. I thought it was a childhood affection.. but at nearly 16.. LeiLei is no longer a child. I was a few months older than her when I first met Syn.. when I first saw the horrors of captivity and first experienced the pleasures of the flesh.. I should not be surprised.

It is for this reason that I do not wish her to follow in my footsteps. I hate seeing her trace the same path I once did. Run seems to treat her better than Syn did I.. but it is still a shock to see my only child falling for her captor.

This situation has put a strain on my relationship with Syn.. I tried so hard to break away form him.. I NEED to break away from him.. but I am so injured.. I need someone to hold me who an love me. Cyan can hold me.. but he is not a man who can give me what I want in all ways.. we will never be like that.. only Syn can offer everything. He understands my desire to be held.. and at the same time to be dominated. For the sake of our child I am living with him again.. I do not know if this wills tart a cycle.. but I feel like I have left one place of captivity.. and am slowly becoming trapped in another..

Mwahahaha sorry thats just for Syn. THat was way too satisfying to read . And I love that you cam up with a new word for her diary. I actaully think Syn and Aili could make a lot of progress on thier relationship. hmmm we will have to figure out when to talk again although I am getting more and more busy. Let me know about your availability and I will see what my schedule looks like.

I know.. if Syn were to get his hands on this he would be gloating so much. No worries. I am pretty busy in the next two weeks since I have to make all new lessons for Junior High soon, am out all weekend for Halloween and have training in Nagoya the weekend after. I have a few weekdays off soon I think in November like the third I think. SO just keep me updated, I work full time so my schedule is pretty constant, I can work around yous!

ok sounds good. ya syn is like my other character a bit like stefan. but I think his issues with mei at least are getting better. Of course all the future stuff is still happening. We should consider having Syn and Run interact and Syn with Zechs and Trieze.

Oh and Tessa and Zechs should be returned to just to help us establish them again.