Family

I always thought meeting my grandmother for the first time would be a happier experience. She is a bit off sometimes and distracting by things in the world that the rest of us don’t perceive, but she is very sweet. She gave me a box and told me that Dominic was leaving to heal, and that I had to hold onto a part of him. It breaks my heart that Dominic has been tormented so much by everything that he needs to forget us all to be happy. I struggle to not allow my sense of loss to weigh me down. But each time he has been lost, I feel a heavy weight in my heart, where his presence is absent in my life. Dominic, Dominic I miss you so much already. I am so, so sorry for all that you have suffered because of me.

Despite my own pain and guilt, I think it might be best if I never give these memories back. I started you on this dark path of loneliness, perhaps I can take you off of it. Its finally time for me to be strong for you, to protect you from what you can’t protect yourself from.

As if giving up my brother wasn’t difficult enough, my grandmother made things even more complicated. After drinking her blood, she made it so harmful things can’t happen to me. Even before that, she set Jakub on edge. Eventually I found him at his father’s sleeping. I think she bothered him more than he let on, that was the first time I’ve ever seen him retreat to his father’s home. Well unless blood play is involved.

God this spell on me prevents Jakub from cutting me, it hurts him when he tries! I tried to reason with Cassandra, to allow him to do it, but all she would say is that he can only cut me out of love. The prospect of this restriction terrifies me. Jakub needs an outlet, he needs to live in the darkness of his soul sometimes. I don’t want to send him to Lucian or, darkness forbid, have him turn to Lorelei, if I am unable to provide what he needs. All of this was swirling in my head, when I got back to Jakub. So I just grabbed the fletchet and cut myself. I wasn’t sure if it would satisfy his craving for blood or not. But as I dragged the blade across my skin I felt his focus sharpen to a razors edge as he stared at the blood welling out of the cut. He demanded I do it again and deeper. As more blood dripped onto the sheets I could feel his arousal and hunger deepening. I always feel an edge of hesitation at the beginning of blood play and a tendril of fear shivering through my body. Sometimes I enjoy myself more than others, but its is always the feelings he provokes in me that make my body clench in anticipation and yearning. I revel in his mounting arousal and the dark edges of his desire to hurt me and make me cry. It can frighten me and sometimes its more than I can handle, but I do it all for him. Jakub is my other half and I will always strive to provide him with whatever he needs. Still the feeling of him moving inside of me as I cut myself, was so primal and raw. Even though the pain is still there and distracts me from everything else, Jakub’s cravings for it all protects me from the reality of what’s occurring.

Even if this spell gets removed, now I know that the sight of me running a blade across my own skin arouses Jakub in a way that nothing else does. Afterwards I found myself at Stefan’s and when I went down stairs the scene I walked in on was... its difficult to put into words what I felt as I saw Jakub lost in the pleasure of Lucian’s blood. Jakub didn’t even notice when I walked in. And while they gasped and moaned and Jakub made Lucian beg, Stefan just sat and watched it all. I don’t think I’ve ever been around 3 men that are in such a high state of arousal before. When Stefan gestured for me to sit next to him, I did. It was the first time I felt a twinge of hesitating, Stefan like any other jeweled male, can become intoxicated by lust. And there was clear evidence that he was relishing in the show in front of him.

Sitting next to him, I felt hyper aware of his arm sliding around my shoulders tugging me closer. And then he did something I never expect him to do. He began whispering a narration in my ear about every tiny thing Jakub was doing to Lucian, and how delicious Lucian can feel. It was a mind opening experience. As disturbing as the blood and watching Jakub use Lucian in every was possible was, I couldn’t turn away. It felt like a spell, with only the cries and slaps of flesh meeting as the music, while Stefan described every lewd act.

I finally have a better understanding of Jakub’s family and how twisted their family dynamic is. But I also still see the same love for Jakub that Lucian and Stefan has. I don’t know what will happen in the future as a member of this bizarre family, but I will endure and persevere because Jakub is worth anything.

AH Gwyn, thank you for having a solid head on your shoulders. Jakub was not as upset as he usually is with her actually witnessing the scene.. I think he was in too much of a haze. It will be interesting to see how deep and far Stefan tries to pull her into the family dynamic. I am not sure how Jakub will react.. I think it really all depends on the moment. It is interesting how she still worries abotu Lorelei for him.. as long as she cuts herself.. I think he will never need release other places except with Lucian.

Ah can;t wait to do more!

Ya I think both of them and us were suprisied by the intensity of the thier reactions to her cutting herself. Stefan will keep drawing her in. I mean look what he did with Kat and Jakub. He just can't help himself. Honestly its not so much that he wants to do anything to her, but he loves watching, he really does. I feel like he would be satisfied by just telling jakub what to do, he likes being the puppet master with all the strings. Yes lorelei will always be a worry I think, nothing makes gwynn go queen like she does. Which of course means we need to draw her back in

I think because Gwynn is family, stefan just feels she should be a part of the family in every way... and he is very fasinated by watching them as a couple. THey really represent how he and kat should have been to him. He is very much of the view that he can fuck with jakub as much as he wants and jakub will always come back, but if the line gets crossed of someone else doing it he will intervene. Jakub got lucky because threatening to drink Gwynn's blood was a dangerous move.... the only reason Stefan let it go is because it made him proud in a way.

That is why I totally had him say it. He knew it would make his dad angry in a way but also proud of him to pull that card out against him. In a way I feel like he is raising his son to be like him, but a him that can live a happier life in a more normal way with his fingers in the dough as it were though >< Jakub may let Gwynn watch him and Lucien, but he will just not cross the line of letting her watch him and his father, or letting his father watch them.. it just feels too wrong for him.

I soo want something to happen with Lorelai again. With Dominic so vulnerable too.. ah! just makes my day.

I know hmmm we could maye have stefan and lorelei doing something and jakub show up and get drawn in. But I don't know if that would happen...

Yeah.. I am tryign to figure out where I want to go with her. I feel like she is in Jakub's position.. but in a worse way. She has no support, and is alone, and her mother poisons her mind all the time. So I will see where I want to take her from here

ya I wonder if we should try to weave her into the chinese dilemma somehow...