12月２日２０３５年

I am weak. Weak.. helpless.. defenseless.. a sorry sight for any man who has tall dreams of protecting the only woman he has ever and will ever love. With Serenity missing for nearly two weeks, I was in shambles.. almost unable to do anything as I drowned in worry over her well being. Living with Dominic and Davar has given me opportunity to watch them as they interact with others, as they hone their own unique skills and abilities suited to them and them alone.

After losing Serenity twice, and being nothing but a hindrance to her, I realize that I cannot merely live my easy life in the same way I have been for the past few years. Even with my intensive training in Chinese magic, and my hours upon hours of drills with Lee, Chris, Andrea, Sydney and Davar.. I don't feel like I am getting any stronger than I was before. Even being a vampire with keener senses, with deadly speed and accuracy.. I am nothing but the anchor tied to Serenity's ankle.

I love her more than anything.. and it brings me incalculable juoy to have her in my arms again, to wash away the scum that bastard left on and in her body when he molested her. But I want to be more than her safe haven.. I want to be someone who can protect her and fight with her side-by-side. To do this.. something tells me I will have to do it alone. Go out into the world and seek out my teachers and experiences that will make me stronger.

I heard of Soren doing it, leaving home to live with a dragon to train alone with him for nearly three years.. and he came home stronger than I had seen him (though gay and that will NOT be happening to me I can guarantee you). I think where my true power lies in in my Angelic nature. I have Dad's ability to promote and nudge change, and I know my powers are rooted with life and death because of how deeply they are entrenched within him from his childhood. It may be time to finally go to heaven and learn the ropes.. as much as I did not want to.. I may have to do so.

Everything and anything I do is for Serenity. I don't want to lose her again.. and above ll else.. I will KILL the bastard who touched her slowly.. making sure he knows that he fucked with the wrong woman.

ah hes so refreshing. instead of wanted to just protect her he wants to fight side by side. They are such a warrior couple. If they ever had a kid they should be anti fighting lol. I think he does need to get out and explore. It will help us decide what to do with him. Maybe he should talk with Caleb.