Dynamic Shift

The last few days have been interesting. First I was sent to an alternate past with Andrea and forced to protect her. Existing without magic was a good reminder for me of all the skills I've gained. However I would prefer to never get shot with silver again, it hurts like a bitch. Still I am going to need on building my pain tolerance back up. Surprisingly spending that time with Andrea wasn't so bad, it was actual much more enjoyable than normal. I was so focused on her safety I didn't have time to think about anything else. She seemed so surprised that I didn't just leave her there. It wasn't worth the risk of something permanently happening to her. That would have devastated Lee.

Lee... ever since Lee moved in and I drank his blood for the first time there has been a dynamic shift between us. Its subtle, but so strongly persuasive. It seem like I've developed a strong taste for Lee's blood. Sometimes when he walks into the room I just want to tilt his head to the side and feast on him. He just tastes unbelievably good. And the sounds he makes! I love wringing the gasps and moans out of him.

Its hard to be careful when we're like that, hard to remember that hes my best friend and not someone I'm more intimately involved with. It would be so simple to fall for Lee. He knows most of my dark secrets, hell he was there for a lot of them. Still I refuse to risk our relationship. Lee... Lee is my only true friend. Being with him would ultimately poison our relationship just as I've poisoned all of my past ones. I know how I am, I give too much and too greatly. I couldn't bear to loose Lee.

I would never want to leave the kids but they are all grown now, Sylar has a bit more of a way to go but I know Lily and Salem will be there for him. God if Lee left me...

Even after tasting the promise in his blood, I doubt. I was not meant for love. It has failed me time and time again. When I give my heart and soul to a person they quickly loose interest. There is nothing desirable about myself for anyone to want. So often I feel like a dark stain on the earth. I exist as a conduit of change, helping them realize something about themselves. It just sadly means they always leave and I am meant to be alone.

So I will keep Lee where he is. I will not give into temptation. But god help me if he wants it because I will be powerless to resist....