The Depth of Desire

It was so wonderful to feel the touch of a woman again... and to touch one in return. I have never felt so completely connected and intertwined as I do with this interesting dynamic between Chris, Davar and Sydney. I think Sydney has brought out the desire to protect women that I have.. since I have always seemed to be shitty at it. I have been feeling more lonely in my past than I have cared to admit..

The break up with Andrea was hard on me.. and still is. We try and meet to talk about our daughters, but it seems like a battle everytime. It was as if my love never reached her. Christopher and I go deeper than love, and with Davar it is almost like a pure release of physical need and want, an extension of the emotional support Christopher provides for me.

Sydney has been a surprising bonus. I was surprised at how Christopher has reacted to her.. I am not sure if it is because of his darker tendencies to be drawn to people that wither under his ministrations, or if she reminds him of Lily, or even if it is a whim. But the whole situation is not undesireable at all.. in fact I feel very balanced and happy with it.

I have been concerned about Christopher lately.. I know life has been keepin us busy.. but he has felt quite distant lately.. and in some ways I feel he leaves Davar around as a way to be close to me when I cannot be. I don't know if he is going through something alone.. I would hope he trusts me enough to open up. This..group situation I feel is drawing bits and pieces of everyone together, closer, to be naked figuratively and literally with one another in ways we have not been before.

I will have to contemplate how things will move forward from here.

ya Chris just has his quite withdrawn moments